The release of my book came out in July 2019. I was super excited that what I have been working on for the past 4 years actually was published. I've read many educational books by great educators and I have more to read. While some believe that teachers have all the answers, we still struggle with our own personal "demons" inside.
Let me start out by saying that I've been in a teacher depression for the last 5 years. Each year I find a group of educators that bring me back up to my passion to teach but then certain situations have me looking at my retirement clock has 16 years 00 months 12 days and counting down the seconds as I type this blog. Five years ago, I wouldn't think about any kind of retirement as I would continue with my career in education as long as I am able to. To avoid any complications for my in the near future, some of this blog will be limited to how I feel. So here goes:
I started teaching in 2003 after graduating with my Masters in English with a teaching certificate. I was young, excited ready to start my career in teaching others. When May came around, I couldn't wait for August to come quickly. Getting back into the classroom, rearranging it year after year, participating in homecoming activities with my fellow colleagues, having lunch with them, going out socially... and then 10 years later..... *poof* it's gone. Many teachers are falling out of place and wanting out. Started a new career or changing careers between 2 to 20 years of experience. But let me say it is NOT because of the students. Just think about that for a moment. What are we teaching them? We are teaching them not to think critically, we are teaching them at a score on an AP test means more than what they are learning for their future, we are teaching them that hand holding by giving them chance after chance after chance is acceptable in the 'real world.' Don't get my wrong.... I am NOT saying that second or third chances are not needed because we all know they are. But it's about the passion. I've spoken to teachers worldwide about where they teach, how they teach, and the support they get for the students. This was the creation of my book. The fact that I can share my "expertise" on a subject where other teachers are able to read my words continues to strengthen who I am.
But then there can be some push back. Here comes the internal struggle. Is my book good enough for other teachers? I am not in the 'popular' group of educators who are well-known. I am not an educator that has a doctorate (which I've been thinking about doing so if anyone has $50K they want to send me, I'll send you my address) :) And it's definitely not that I am "THE" teacher. But what I don't have as previously mentioned, I do have in the heart that continues to struggle with "Should I Stay or Should I Go" (lyrics by The Clash). Everyday I look to see if anything I tweeted or shared was retweeted or reshared but all I see are crickets (not physically but metaphorically). So school starts in 2 weeks and with the earlier moments of new teaching where I could not wait for August to begin, I know feel that August is here and let's just say the same excitement I had 10 years ago does not feel the same now.
Teacher depression is real, it's hidden, and it's forcing us out of why we started in the first place for fear of what comes to be. I hope this book will be my future. Teaching is not easy and yes it is what we make of it. But we also cannot do this alone. What does teaching have for me? Not sure... I'm just not sure.
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